Imran "FFS" Hanif

Peter "Dr Ummer" Jones

Q & A with Naked Players by Chad Gaffert

How long have you guys been together?

P: Hold on a sec! You’re making us sound like a couple in a same sex relationship! See Imran, I told you Chad was a prick.

C: Oi!

I: Come on Pete, he doesn’t mean that.

C: OK, let me rephrase that. When, was Naked Players formed?

P: That’s more like it.

I: A couple of years ago, I hooked up with Pete via FB, followed by subsequent drinks at the Crow Bar, Soho, London a few days later.

P: Yeah, I’d say that’s how we linked, over distilled liquid consumption.

Has it all been plain sailing?

I: Most Definitely not.

P: A few kinks and hick ups along the the way, I’d say, like most relationships.

I: Now you’re making us sound like an item.

C: Mate, if you want, we can do this another time. You two seem agitated.

I: Nah we’re fine.

P: Ah come on FFS! Can’t we just do this Q and A thingy! I’ve gotta link with some Prime Scampi and I need time to prep.

I: Shine the bishop, eh…

C: Prime Scampi? What’s that?

P: A synonym code we made up for Grade A eggs. Nice pungtang.

C: OH you mean a female suitor…

P: Yeah something like that. Although, she doesn’t have to wear a suit.

I: Yes.

Pete, tell us about your drummer influences?

P: Alcohol, weed, Mitch Mitchell and so on.

I: Pete, remember my mother might read this.

P: what?

I: And yours for that matter.

Ahhhh..... ok. Imran: influences?

I: Hendrix, Thin Lizzy, Bowie, Lemmy. All dead, RIP.

Where did you two grow up?

I: UK, Florida, Maryla

P: Palmers Green and Enfield, London.

C: An interesting blend is Naked Players.

P: Defo…

I: Yeah I’d say Naked Players is a cross pollination of many influences and styles, a bit like moi really. I mean, in terms of being a mixed dual, if not tri-heritage being of the Rock N Roll persuasion.

Why name the Band Naked Players?

P: Naked Players is naked minimalist Rock.

I: Less is more in the case of this duo.

P: We only have bass, drums and voice. So there’s no space for fodder to hide behind, like with most 3-5 piece bands.

I: Affirmative, I agree. We have an un hinged unorthodox approach to forming canticles.

P: Finally something we agree on.

I: What?

C: interesting.

I: Yeah, Naked Players is purely Riff, rhythm and Melody focused. In layman terms: Say what you mean and mean what you say, when you say it.

I see. It's amazing how NP really does sound like a 5 Piece band although there are only 2 members. How is this?

I: A custom pedal board, split between an array modified custom amps tuned to various tones and frequencies. And of course, wit and large cast iron conjones.

P: Ha! if you pronounce conjones the English way it would sound like: con Jones. Like, you know, deceive Mr Jones, tell him it’s ok to put his hand in the fire, and while he’s at it, put the other one in as well.

C: That’s your surname isn’t it?

P: Yep. Jones is I. Chilli Con Jones all over your face because the chef missed the plate of pasta.

Just one last thing: Imran, I was doing some snooping around. You're also an accomplished music composer

I: Chad, In your emails, you promised not to bring that up. That was then and this is here and now.

P: Imran you’re far too modest. Even the Monarchy and the government know of your works.

I: Look who’s talking. Sir Modesty. You’re like the best drummer this side of the northern hemisphere, in my opinion. And I don’t just mean in a technical sense. I mean in the way that you interpret song arrangements and return a rhythmic conveyance with insane dynamic fluidity. I’m baffled to this day.

C: What do you mean?

I: I mean, most drummers are oppressed under the 123 and the four dictatorship, but P tunes into other parts of a riff that other drummers wouldn’t notice. The in between syncopated off beats, like ghost notes.

C: Well thanks guys.

I/P: No thank you.